Sunday, April 28, 2013

It's Over


The job is gone. After telling me I was the top candidate and wondering how soon I could start and asking for three references, they hired someone else. I wasn’t even sure I wanted the job, having been freelancing for them for the past few months and experiencing firsthand their disorganization; but I wanted to be the one to say no thank you.

More important, I wanted to be wanted.

They said it was a very difficult decision that came down to a different skill set, one they needed more than good writing. Of course, they had also insisted that redefining and reposting the job, which they did several months ago, was merely a formality.

All along they assured me that I was the top candidate. In the end, I was the first runner up, like the contestant who doesn't become Miss America.

I suppose I have been spared a time- and energy-draining daily commute, workplace hierarchy and office politics. Even more, I’ve been spared submersion into another organization which, despite its meaningful, nonprofit-making mission, is subject to the duplicitousness of the people who run it.

Self-employment gets lonely, but it spares me the ultimate disappointment of rediscovering that no matter how much I long to be part of something larger, I do best when I’m behind the wheel. 

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