The job is gone. After telling me I was the top candidate
and wondering how soon I could start and asking for three references, they
hired someone else. I wasn’t even sure I wanted the job, having been freelancing
for them for the past few months and experiencing firsthand their
disorganization; but I wanted to be the one to say no thank you.
More important, I wanted to be wanted.
They said it was a very difficult decision that came down to a different skill set, one they
needed more than good writing. Of course, they had also insisted that
redefining and reposting the job, which they did several months ago, was merely
a formality.
All along they assured me that I was
the top candidate. In the end, I was the first runner up, like the contestant who doesn't become Miss America.
I suppose I have been spared a time- and
energy-draining daily commute, workplace hierarchy and office politics. Even more, I’ve
been spared submersion into another organization which, despite its meaningful,
nonprofit-making mission, is subject to the duplicitousness of the people who
run it.
Self-employment gets lonely, but it spares me the ultimate disappointment
of rediscovering that no matter how much I long to be part of something larger,
I do best when I’m behind
the wheel.
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