Haunted

No parent is not haunted by last week's murder of a college junior in her house at Hofstra University. We don’t have to have known her or her family. Our hearts break for them. And any sense of ease we may have had about our kids being away at school has shattered. This could have happened to any one of us.

As inconceivable as birth, so is such sudden, violent loss, from which there can be no recovery.

R. is home for the summer, and I am newly terrified. 

Last night, hot and thick with humidity, I locked all the windows. And I woke up every hour, checking to see if she—a legal adult who has been living independently in the city for the better part of a year—was home yet.

Just like old times.

It’s going to be a challenge: trying to relax while she is out with friends until morning. I realize this is what she has done all year at school, but she was far enough away for me to be able to shut my eyes to it.

Now, there is no ignoring the porch light that burns until she gets home.