Straddling

Christmas is over, and it's nice to be part of the world again.

R., who’s been home since Thursday, returns to her dorm which, thankfully, is open for the entire winter break.

It’s not that I don’t love seeing her, but a child who comes home from college for a few days is not the child who left.

She has a foot in two worlds: The world of her college/independent life, and the world of her family home. Except that even when she’s home, she isn’t. We are the peg on which she hangs her hat.

She is still warm and loving and thrilled to see us, in between text messages.

We--she and I--spent perhaps one hour alone together in the time she was home, shopping for her winter jacket. On Christmas Eve we sat by the fire with E., and listened to music from her Iphone. Conversation was minimal. To me, precious. To them, annoying.

At the end of the evening, after the dinner dishes had been cleared and the kitchen cleaned, both she and her brother retreated to their rooms to Ichat or watch their laptop screens while F. and I watched a movie, just the two of us.

I confess: I’d hoped for more: more family time, more closeness. But we’ve turned the corner on all that, at least for now. Even though E. is still at home, he has one foot out the door. 

And so, on both fronts, I am learning to take what I can get.